Lets talk about how I handle drama. I really love watching it on television or in movies, and especially live theater. However, in my home, I definitely do not handle it well. It pushes me over the edge, and I have meltdowns. Big, tragic, my life is ending, and I'm a child meltdowns.
From the beginning, Motherhood has made me an emotional wreck. I've never been much of the crying type. But, I suppose the hormones have gotten the best (and worst) of me. I cry all the time. About everything.
After being released from the NICU, I was so excited to be bring Annabelle home, where we could finally just chill out. I was extra excited to be able to sleep in a bed outside of a hospital room with a view of parking garage, and to wear clothing that didn't reveal my entire backside! Psh, hospital life is the way to go! I'm telling you... 3 meals a day at the touch of a button, people insisting you take naps! Oh my, this is living! Is there really enough time in a day to feed this piranha, change her diaper, pay attention to the dogs, cook AND clean, oh, and there's the husband, too! Cue meltdown!
"Why did we decide to do this? Nobody said it was THIS hard! WAH!"
Day two...We had to take Annabelle to her new pediatrician, which we didn't realize was a super fun 40 minute drive to downtown San Antonio. Such an awesome doctor. We were informed that Annabelle had lost too much weight while a the hospital, and that breastfeeding wasn't enough, so we needed to supplement (which I didn't do. Whoops.). Also, that she was jaundice. So, we had to get her blood drawn. This was pitiful. Her poor hands and feet had already been so bruised from all of the pricks and such at the hospital, but they drew the blood anyway. Later that evening, we got a call saying her bilirubin count was still too high, and we needed to return the next day for more bloodwork. The next day, we made the trip back to the doctor, and they drew her blood yet again. I was very optimistic that her jaundice had cleared. A few hours later, another call from the doctor, to let us know that her count was STILL too high, and we need to return again the next day. Oh man, did I cry! "I made my baby unhealthy! There's nothing we can do, and she's going to hate me forever!" My husband, thank goodness, is always there to offer a very nice eye roll, and a comforting word to help me realize that I'm just being a dramatic, sleep deprived woman. Anyway, after a few more days of traveling back and forth, we finally got her bili count down to acceptable levels, and were able to just enjoy our yellow little munchkin! So so yellow...
I remember, not too long ago. It was my birthday, now that I think of it. My boss had so graciously given me the day off (Isn't she so thoughtful?!). Good thing, too, because Annabelle had one of the worst nights ever. She was up about every 90 minutes or so. When she was up and at em, around 6, as usual, I knew it was going to be a rough day. I had called my husband several times throughout the day to convey to him just how horribly this day was going, and it was about 8 am! He assured me that when he got off work, I would definitely get a nap! Praise the Lord! So, when he called to say he was on his way home, I was ecstatic thinking I was so close to sweet, sweet slumber! He got home, said he was going to change out of his work clothes, and be right out. I got Annabelle's diaper changed, filled her snack cup, and made sure her sippy cup was full! About 5 minutes later, I open the bedroom door, to find him SLEEPING! Ooooooooh man. I lost it. Like, lost it. When I'm upset, I cry and I clean. These are the two things I am tremendous at doing. My Mom got a screaming phone call, my boss got a screaming text, my brother got a phone call, and my husband got a NAP, and a clean house! Not just a short little cat nap, but a very nice, uninterrupted 2 hour nap. Now, let me point out, that my husband works very very long hours, and they are hard hours, and we couldn't be more appreciative of everything he does for us! But, let me also tell you, that when he woke up, I had just put dinner on the table, and he opens the door and says..."Wow! I really needed that nap!" If you could see my face at this moment....
Thinking about all the meltdowns I have had in the past 14 months, I've come to realize that they are for the most ridiculous things. Like most women, I let things slide, little by little, then this one little itty bitty tiny thing will push me over the edge and turn me into "She's a MAAAAANIAC!" I've lost it over things such as, having to do the dishes (GASP!), Not being able to sit down for "just one second," or even being able to make dinner without a whining (and clearly starved) baby pulling on my pant leg. When talking with other moms, I'm very happy to find that I am not the only one who goes through these moments of "OH EMM JEAN! Motherhood is so hard! Why do we do this???" I've come to the conclusion that the meltdowns are nice, because they help me realize that it's okay to lose it sometimes. Keeping it together is tough, and always smiling, and always saying "I'm fine," is hard to do. So, I tell myself, and my friends, LET IT OUT! Let your freak flag fly, and believe me, mine is flappin in the wind! I'm the main character in the drama series, entitled "My Everyday Life!"
I love this family that Charles and I have created together, and can't wait to watch it continue to grow. Through every tough meltdown, and every amazing new milestone reached, I can always count on my partner and best friend to be right along my side through it all. And I wouldn't want it any other way!
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