The last couple of weeks have been rough. Like, ROUGH! Do you ever have moments in Motherhood where you've reached the point breaking and said "Okay, this is when I realize I have entered eternal damnation, and should give up on ever finding happiness..."? Well, let me tell ya, you are NOT alone, sista! I am in Hades. It's officially official.
The other night, after getting home from work, I was bathing my own little spawn to get her ready for bed, and it was time to brush her teeth. I'm sorry, I should actually call this part of the routine "When the neighbors wonder if they need to call the police," because my child literally screams like her life is ending. EVERY SINGLE TIME. When she brushes her own teeth, it's perfectly fine. But, the second my finger touches the toothbrush and I tell her it's my turn to brush, it's like all of her bones break, and she collapses to the floor. She then locks her jaw shut like she's a dog holding on to a coveted piece of 3 day old chicken they found under the oven. So, when I finally pry the jaw open enough to jab the toothbrush in, I realize all of the toothpaste has been smeared across my shirt. What the fudgesicle. By the time I get the new toothpaste on the brush, her naked little behind has scurried out of the bathroom, and into the living room where I obviously can't see her 'hiding' right in the middle of the couch. So, I scoop her up over my arm, trying with all my might not to flip the crap out, and set her on the counter and tell her to open her mouth RIGHT THIS SECOND so I can brush her teeth or they WILL fall out. She's crying, which is perfect because the mouth has to be open to cry! So, I hurry up and brush brush brush brush, silently singing "Brush-a, brush-a, brush-a" just like Jan in Grease, because come on... Anyway, just as I'm about halfway done, she decides she needed to slap me across the face. HOLY CRAP, I lost it.
I mean, I chucked that super rockin awesome light-up toothbrush so hard across the bathroom, that the bottom broke off, and there was toothpaste splattered everywhere. And then I screamed "I'M DONE BEING A MOM!!" Now enters husband...
H- "What's wrong?"
Me-"WAAAAAAAAHHH"
H- "Ummm...what happened?"
Me- "WAAAAAAAHHH", slam the door, run to the bathroom. Obviously it's the only place in the world to run when one needs a minute.
H- "So...what's going on?"
Me- Through the tears and sobbing.. "She's (sniff sniff, schnortle) so MEAN!"
Even I laughed at that moment. When did my daughter take me back to middle school? I can remember sitting in my room crying when other girls were mean in school, and it was the exact same thing.
After I took a minute rocking myself back to calm in the corner of the bathroom, I went back into her room, and she said "SHAW" which translates to sorry in her toddler language, and gave me a hug. Even though I was still so angry about all of it, I snuggled her, read her a story, and rocked her for a few minutes before putting her to bed. Then you leave the room, and have a huge sigh of relief, and dance a little jig to celebrate the fact that you survived another day of Motherhood.
High five, we did it!
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Life with Dictators
Okay, okay, I know it has been forever and a day since I last posted about my insanely busy life! But, I'm here now, and that's what matters, right?!
So, looking back at my last post I've discovered that not a ton has changed, but at the same time...SO much has changed! We have celebrated birthdays, and have had so many milestones since then! So, let's start, shall we?
First things first, toddlers still suck SO BAD. It has been determined that toddlers are, in fact, tiny assholes. I said it. ASSHOLES. They hate us. Just thought I'd let you know the truth. Every second of every minute of every single day is dictated by what my boss calls a "tyrant." At first, I admit I thought that word may be an exaggeration, but after careful review I've discovered that it's true. We get screamed at all day in words that don't even have meaning. We get told "I don't wanna talk to you" or "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAH NANANANANAN UGHGUGHGUGH." I mean, come on...at least use words if you're going to yell at me for giving you the banana you cried for!
Also- what's up with the poop? How is it that you can go weeks without a pee accident, but cannot seem to fathom the thought of pooping in the toilet? You would rather go in your diaper, underwear, or right NEXT to the toilet, but heaven forbid you sit on the toilet? Come ON! You know what they do? They go once to get your hopes up, then they shatter your hopes when you find the poop smeared on the crib, or all over their bodies, or all over the carpet. Good times, these toddlers.
Have there been good moments over the past 6 months? Sure there have! But, I must say, they are few and far between! Hearing children say "I love you" may be the best part of every day. These little people who put so much stress on us daily, and drive us to eat our weight in chocolate, can be the sweetest little demons in the world. Sometimes, when they're sleeping, I sit there staring. Just stare, take in all of their little features...the little dimples where the knuckles will be soon, the wispy curly hair that glows in the dark because it is so blonde, the little tiny nose that is still somehow almost completely flat, the perfect little lips that give the sweetest kisses on the cheek. How precious are they still? And when did they become little kids instead of babies? I get so lost in the stressful moments of the day, that sometimes I forget how fast it's actually going. Time is flying by, and I'm too busy to notice!
My sweet baby girl was recently diagnosed with some delays. She has a 35% delay in Speech, Cognitive, and Social areas. Although this was an expected diagnosis, it was a tough one to hear. I've always thought that my experience with children would be so helpful in my parenting. I assumed that my child would be so intelligent, and have such great patience, and be invincible. But, I'm discovering that these things will come. Why does my 2 year old have to be superior? She's 2! What does she need? Happiness. Love. Care. Nurturing. Sure, speech is important, but we have help for that. Patience isn't something any toddler has. And, she thinks she's invincible. So, I'm learning to back off a little. I will never be the perfect mom. Ever. And I'm okay with that. As long as I remember that I'm the perfect mom for HER.
You know what else I've discovered? Sometimes my house is messy. But, sometimes it's better for me to just sit on my butt in front of the TV, crying to an episode of Grey's Anatomy, and eating 6 pounds of chocolate, while forgetting everything about the day! Hey, I work out! ;) It's also okay for me to ask for help. Annabelle recently decided she doesn't need to breastfeed anymore. The first night, I will admit, I was pretty sad. But, since then, it's been nice. It's great to be able to ask my husband for help putting her to bed. And it's great to not have to plan my evenings around a breastfeeding toddler. Especially since every other part of my days revolve around her and 3 others!
What a rollercoaster of emotions life is. Caring for toddlers has got to be the most draining phase of life so far. I can hear the screaming when I go to bed. Silence is too quiet. I can translate toddler language faster than I can spell an English word. And I can spot a disaster about to happen with cat-like reflexes. It takes a strong person to be with children all day. You have to learn to not take them seriously. They're going to hate you about 60% of the time, and adore you the other 40. And honestly, you'll feel the same. They ignore everything you say to them, but demand to be heard every time they speak. They don't want you to help with anything, but get so mad that they can't do it themselves. They hit, kick, bite, spit, throw things, throw themselves, and demolish everything in their paths. Yet, we get up everyday and show them our love! Why? Because we go through these emotions, too. We get it. We understand. But, do they have to make it so hard? This too shall pass! And until then, Jesus take the wheel!
So, before I leave with my spectacular picture montage, I will remind you once again, to not lose hope. Things will get better. But, until they do, just remember... Toddlers are assholes. That is all.
So, looking back at my last post I've discovered that not a ton has changed, but at the same time...SO much has changed! We have celebrated birthdays, and have had so many milestones since then! So, let's start, shall we?
First things first, toddlers still suck SO BAD. It has been determined that toddlers are, in fact, tiny assholes. I said it. ASSHOLES. They hate us. Just thought I'd let you know the truth. Every second of every minute of every single day is dictated by what my boss calls a "tyrant." At first, I admit I thought that word may be an exaggeration, but after careful review I've discovered that it's true. We get screamed at all day in words that don't even have meaning. We get told "I don't wanna talk to you" or "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAH NANANANANAN UGHGUGHGUGH." I mean, come on...at least use words if you're going to yell at me for giving you the banana you cried for!
Also- what's up with the poop? How is it that you can go weeks without a pee accident, but cannot seem to fathom the thought of pooping in the toilet? You would rather go in your diaper, underwear, or right NEXT to the toilet, but heaven forbid you sit on the toilet? Come ON! You know what they do? They go once to get your hopes up, then they shatter your hopes when you find the poop smeared on the crib, or all over their bodies, or all over the carpet. Good times, these toddlers.
Have there been good moments over the past 6 months? Sure there have! But, I must say, they are few and far between! Hearing children say "I love you" may be the best part of every day. These little people who put so much stress on us daily, and drive us to eat our weight in chocolate, can be the sweetest little demons in the world. Sometimes, when they're sleeping, I sit there staring. Just stare, take in all of their little features...the little dimples where the knuckles will be soon, the wispy curly hair that glows in the dark because it is so blonde, the little tiny nose that is still somehow almost completely flat, the perfect little lips that give the sweetest kisses on the cheek. How precious are they still? And when did they become little kids instead of babies? I get so lost in the stressful moments of the day, that sometimes I forget how fast it's actually going. Time is flying by, and I'm too busy to notice!
My sweet baby girl was recently diagnosed with some delays. She has a 35% delay in Speech, Cognitive, and Social areas. Although this was an expected diagnosis, it was a tough one to hear. I've always thought that my experience with children would be so helpful in my parenting. I assumed that my child would be so intelligent, and have such great patience, and be invincible. But, I'm discovering that these things will come. Why does my 2 year old have to be superior? She's 2! What does she need? Happiness. Love. Care. Nurturing. Sure, speech is important, but we have help for that. Patience isn't something any toddler has. And, she thinks she's invincible. So, I'm learning to back off a little. I will never be the perfect mom. Ever. And I'm okay with that. As long as I remember that I'm the perfect mom for HER.
You know what else I've discovered? Sometimes my house is messy. But, sometimes it's better for me to just sit on my butt in front of the TV, crying to an episode of Grey's Anatomy, and eating 6 pounds of chocolate, while forgetting everything about the day! Hey, I work out! ;) It's also okay for me to ask for help. Annabelle recently decided she doesn't need to breastfeed anymore. The first night, I will admit, I was pretty sad. But, since then, it's been nice. It's great to be able to ask my husband for help putting her to bed. And it's great to not have to plan my evenings around a breastfeeding toddler. Especially since every other part of my days revolve around her and 3 others!
What a rollercoaster of emotions life is. Caring for toddlers has got to be the most draining phase of life so far. I can hear the screaming when I go to bed. Silence is too quiet. I can translate toddler language faster than I can spell an English word. And I can spot a disaster about to happen with cat-like reflexes. It takes a strong person to be with children all day. You have to learn to not take them seriously. They're going to hate you about 60% of the time, and adore you the other 40. And honestly, you'll feel the same. They ignore everything you say to them, but demand to be heard every time they speak. They don't want you to help with anything, but get so mad that they can't do it themselves. They hit, kick, bite, spit, throw things, throw themselves, and demolish everything in their paths. Yet, we get up everyday and show them our love! Why? Because we go through these emotions, too. We get it. We understand. But, do they have to make it so hard? This too shall pass! And until then, Jesus take the wheel!
So, before I leave with my spectacular picture montage, I will remind you once again, to not lose hope. Things will get better. But, until they do, just remember... Toddlers are assholes. That is all.
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