First of all, they come out of the womb all precious and tiny. They're helpless, and they cuddle. They smell so great, and the noises they make are so cute, and they really are just perfect. Even the ugly ones are so gosh darn cute, you just want to squeeeeeeeeeeze them! Am I right? I'm right.
NOW, let's talk about what happens to those amazingly perfect, so precious babies. They become..... TODDLERS!! Who doesn't just love a toddler? Me. That's who. I'm telling you, toddlers will be the death of me. Okay, let me rephrase; I don't NOT love toddlers. I just don't like them most of the time. Am I alone in this? I don't think so. I'm going to give a few examples of how crazy the toddlers are that I surround myself with. ALL of these examples are from the last 24 hours of my life.
Example number 1: A toddler asks her mother (not so nicely, might I add) if she would put her hair in a ponytail. This very nice, loving mother says "Yes, of course I will put your hair into a ponytail." After putting her hair into a very cute ponytail, the toddler then proceeds to throw herself on to the floor in a fit of rage, and rips the ponytail out. The toddler also decides that this isn't getting her anywhere, so she is now roooooooolling across the floor, because DUH, this is obviously helping get her point across. After doing this for about 3 minutes, the toddler goes back to her (very patient, calm and collected) mother, and asks her to put her hair in a ponytail!!! WTF toddlers????
Example number 2: A mother is doing the dishes. In a very small kitchen. A toddler decides she will be an excellent helper with the dishes. She decides the dish she wants to help with is a friggin butcher knife (A BUTCHER KNIFE!!!). So, naturally, as any mother who doesn't want to end up in jail, would do...she took it away! Oh my dear sweet Lord above, if you ever want to see a child go ballistic, and make all of your neighbors contemplate a call to 911, by all means, remove a butcher knife from your toddler's hand. I swear, the screams coming from this child could land her a well-paying part on The Hills Have Eyes. Geez, I apologize for saving your life and appendages. WTF toddlers?????
Example number 3: It's dinner time. It's hot. It's late. A certain toddler is handed a plate with a very delicious stuffed pepper on it. That she begged for. The toddler starts screaming, for who knows why. The very loving, concerned, patient mother sits down and calmly asks her, "Oh, my dear sweet, innocent, little angel from above, what is the matter?" (Okay, maybe not JUST like that.) The toddler proceeds to scream, and is now waving a fork, and pointing at the mother's food, which is the SAME thing. Mommy then decides, okay, I will give her MY food. The toddler doesn't want Mommy's food. Mommy now might be just slightly upset. Toddler continues screaming, as mommy takes food off the plate and puts more food on the plate. What the heck do you want, little Devil spawn?? Finally, after way too many attempts to figure out the problem, it was the fork. She was unhappy with her fork selection. FORK. Sigh.... WTF toddlers????
Example number 4: Painting. We are making "H is for Horse." I'm strategically mixing colors together to make the perfect shade of brown, as the brown paint is missing. I find the right color, and get it ready. This toddler decides he needs to have an orange horse. SO, I go get the orange paint, for the orange horse. Once I so nicely retrieve and deliver this paint, I observe this toddler using WAY too much paint. I then decide to put the paint on a super-awesome-orangey plate! Woot woot! Good lord, this was not a good choice. Toddler meltdown. DO NOT take the jar of paint away! So, I decide we will go ahead and put the paint on the plate back into the jar. DO NOT take the plate of paint away! Leave the jar. Leave the plate. Do not touch the brush. Do not suggest using less paint. Just stop. WTF toddlers????
As you can see, sweet little babies turn into not so sweet little PMSing miniature adults. Though they are still adorable, and on occasion, they have a day without mood swings, don't let them fool you for a second! These tiny little people are very intelligent and they know exactly what they're doing!
Last but not least, I will end my ranting by showing a picture montage of my toddler in her good moods! Enjoy your days of toddlerhood, and know that we will all make it through!!
She's running away, obviously. Toddler life is rough.
The baby needs his own space.
She needed a "pick-me-up."
Why can't I just jump in the pool, Mom???
And now, I leave you with one last question... Seriously, WTF toddlers???
