The lives that we portray in public- on Facebook, around people we know, but don't really KNOW, when we show fake smiles at the store- this isn't real life. These are the moments when people think we have it together, but does anyone know what life is like for others when they're at home? I'm not sure about everyone else, but I can tell you mine is like.
Sometimes, I lose my temper. Over stupid things, like spilled milk. I cry over spilled milk, because that's the 4th time today, and I cry because I get upset for needing to cry. I cry because I need chocolate to make it through a day. I cry because sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in pressure from a million people I don't even know, who tell me motherhood is magical. Sometimes I cry because I cannot possibly do one more load of laundry, yet there is a hamper full.
Life is overwhelming, and though I know everyone goes through this, I also know that all of us feel invisible sometimes.
Today, I broke my toilet. So, my 2 year old and I went to Home Depot to get the replacement parts, then headed to Target to grab a few other essentials. After we finally made our way through Target, I loaded everything up, and had about 10 minutes to feed my toddler something- anything- to avoid a meltdown. So, I throw her the "shries" that she requested, and a fruit cup, and head home. When we got home, I realized I obviously returned my cart at target without taking the $50 worth of groceries out! Who does that? Back we go. Luckily, my cart was in the same place I left it, with everything I had left in it! Back home we go.
When we get home, it's already bed time, but obviously my toddler is still eating. When I turn around to grab my own food, I see the dog is up on the table, helping herself to the remainder of our food, and she had left a nice present on the floor.
How do you pull yourself together when you feel like you're falling apart? How do you not get lost in the negativity? I cry!
I also cry when I realize it's not all bad... Some days are just plain awful, and some days are just plain amazing. Some days I cry because I can't imagine one more thing going wrong, and some days I cry because I don't know how I got so lucky. Some days I cry becayse I hate being a mom, and some days I cry remembering how long I waited to become one.
Life is crazy. Life is overwhelming. Life is unexpected. But, life sure is amazing.
